How thin is thin?
When will it be enough?
Count the carbs
Count the calories
Count the pounds and the kilograms
Count the tears
Count the frustrations
Count the failures and the success
But when will it all end?
How thin is thin?
When will I be enough?
I stepped on the weighting scale and I looked up
Afraid of what I’ll see when I look down as the weight may not have dropped.
I crossed my fingers and even my toes
Hoping to end a bit of my woes.
Slowly I looked down, praying the scale would be good to me
If I starve myself will you be kinder?
If I starve myself will you be nicer?
Will you treat me better?
Will you be just a little sweeter?
If I starve myself to meet your standards,
Will you accept me with arms wide open afterwards?
So I starve myself and I begin to deteriorate
My starvation, it accelerates
I drown and become lost
I only paid for my life, it’s not much of a cost.
To be fat is to be shameful
To be fat means to feel awful
This is what I learned as a child.
My family loved me, and I know they tried
Tried to protect me, but they do not know how much I cried
Because whenever I have an ounce of confidence
Society retaliates with a pound of uncertainty.
My curves became my curse and I hated myself
I felt like an unwanted book tucked away on the shelf
I hated my curves.
There are nights I’d pick myself up
Saying that I am enough and I am loved
But most nights…..most nights are awful
I lie to myself sometimes
That if I love my curves enough
Society will accept them and I will no longer need to hide
I gained the confidence
And then I lost it
Lost the weight but gained it again
Lost the hope that it took too long to get
I’ve lost my mind which I hoped to save
Shed those extra pounds
Let’s do it all again
You did it before
You can do it once more
Move your butt and feet
Get going and never admit defeat!
Go on, just lose it
The pounds, the kilos
The numbers show me and they do not lie
When I saw the numbers, I could almost die.
The scale it taunts me
Told me of the truth and of my fault
So my guilt starts to rise
I could either change fate or meet my demise.
Will I ever lose the pounds I gained?
I’m drifting to isolation again
Confidence gained is now confidence lost
And I have but myself to blame the most
Spare me the sweet talk and tell me straight
That I’ve once again gained weight
Shed those extra weight
Remove all self hate
Driving oneself to the distance
It takes a lot of hard work, give yourself a chance
Don’t give up now, you’ve come a long way
Show them what you’re made of now insead of waiting for someday
Sweat it out and enjoy yourself
I go on and tell this to myself
No one will do it for me
And so I go at it, in the end we shall see
He told me I was beautiful and I believed him.
He said I’d be gorgeous if I were a bit more slim.
I took his words and did my best,
To try and make jealous of the rest.
I hardly ate, exercised a lot but even then,
He had eyes for others so that was when,
I decided to give him up.
I realized my happiness would not stop
If I let him go.
He said I was beautiful and I took the compliment,
But never will I ever let his words be my supplement
To my happiness