How thin is thin?
When will it be enough?
Count the carbs
Count the calories
Count the pounds and the kilograms
Count the tears
Count the frustrations
Count the failures and the success
But when will it all end?
How thin is thin?
When will I be enough?
Just another way of saying ugly
As if it hurts less
Should one say “un-thin” then, to make it sound less negative?
If I starve myself will you be kinder?
If I starve myself will you be nicer?
Will you treat me better?
Will you be just a little sweeter?
If I starve myself to meet your standards,
Will you accept me with arms wide open afterwards?
So I starve myself and I begin to deteriorate
My starvation, it accelerates
I drown and become lost
I only paid for my life, it’s not much of a cost.
It’s not funny
I’m self conscious…all the time
I look at the mirror
Try to cheer myself up
Gain the confidence
But it gets depleted with each people who look at me funny.
The skinny can easily find clothes that fit
The heavy….well, we often struggle
My self esteem has left years ago
So I curl up on my bed
And hide in my room
And so I came to realize that people with smaller size, smaller frame
Gets the praise, popularity and fame
They always seem to win the game
Of one size fits all.
I never try an outfit where they can see, for fear of being shamed
And perhaps, fear of being maimed
They may not laugh at me but I’ll feel awful just the same
Such an awful feeling.
My confidence, I can never tame
I am just another fat suffering dame
I feel so lame
For wanting to be one of those with smaller frames
I have one wish
One I’ve had since I was small
I don’t want to be called fat anymore
I want people to stop joking about my weight
I just want to be unfat
But I think it’s too much to ask for
Shed those extra pounds
Let’s do it all again
You did it before
You can do it once more
Move your butt and feet
Get going and never admit defeat!
Go on, just lose it
I’m too fat again
I’m too skinny tomorrow
I will never be enough
I will never be just fine
I’m either too much or too little
Not enough or an excess
I’m starting to fall again
Fall out of love of myself
How much more do you want from me?
I have nothing left!
To be skin and bones
And skin and bones!
To you I am just the sheel that you see
I have nothing more
Slimming and slender and beautiful
That’s what they often say
Fatter, chubby and heavy
Do I vhange to please them?
Or do I change for my own sake?
The line is thin
Where do I go? What do I do?
I keep on gaining but not shedding
Do I let this define me?