On the inside looking out. Loving their freedom and energy. Sometimes I crave it. But also fear it.
“Put yourself out there”, they would say. I automatically think of being put on display for everyone to scrutinize, to look at. But I don’t want attention. I just want to be seen, heard. There’s a difference.
So, despite the fear I took the step and opened the door. Doing my best to be ready to take on the unknown.
Hide the flaws and imperfections
Hide the scars and ugly truths
Wear the mask, make them proud
But don’t lose yourself along the way.
Let me look back and tell you of my fond memories
My memories of my childhood
When things were simple and fun despite most of it not going all too well.
Let me tell you of how the old days were
Of how there were more trees than skyscrapers
Of how fresher the air was.
I look back having remembered some of the things that happened during the war
How we hid
How we heard the bombings while huddled and hidden.
I remember my teenage years
The dances, the friends and even some of the funny stories
I remember my teachers and look back being thankful for them.
I look back hoping you’d share my excitement too
One day, you too will be looking back on your life
And I hope you remember me when you do.
His eyes were pools of blue, grey, and sometimes green
They burst with light so fine as if the angels painted them
He smiled candidly and genuinely
And each time those eyes twinkle, sparkle
I melt like a butter under a hot summer day
I’ve seen that look before
The look of excitement
The look of first time seeing something so beautiful and captivating
The way I look at the stars despite seeing them every day
I walk around and see a mirror
I look away because I don’t like what I see
I never liked what it shows me
The girl with all the flaws
But the mirror never lies
Why can’t it?
I wish for once it would
I am nowhere and so are you
My thoughts are everywhere but not on you
We crossed paths but never looked or saw each other
But not truly seeing
You ponder but not about me
Our sights crossed
And then we looked away at the possibility
It’s not funny
I’m self conscious…all the time
I look at the mirror
Try to cheer myself up
Gain the confidence
But it gets depleted with each people who look at me funny.
The skinny can easily find clothes that fit
The heavy….well, we often struggle
My self esteem has left years ago
So I curl up on my bed
And hide in my room
He stared and so did I
Familiar in many ways yet unfamiliar in between
Somewhere we might have crossed paths
In a place familiar and the same
But my mind can’t find where.
We stared at each other
Transfixed for a moment
Everything that seemed familiar never came