I scraped my knee again.
Mom is going to be angry.
She’s going to count to ten
So I’ll enter the house, ending my play abruptly.
My knee already hurts but she’ll still scold me.
I’ll get banished to my room like Rapunzel trapped in the tower.
She’ll ground me indefinitely
Though I don’t know what that means.
All I know is that it would be more than an hour.
So instead of telling mom that I scraped my knee
I’ll keep this a secret and just wash the wound completely.
Mom doesn’t need to know so I can continue playing.
That sounds like a good plan, that’s all I’m saying.
He made my heart skip a bit
But he also made me feel insecure
I was throwing myself at his feet
But still I was nothing more
The way he looks
The way he walks
Chuckles and talks
All the same.
They are all the same too.
Somethings never change
But not me, not anymore.
Just because you don’t see, doesn’t mean I don’t bleed
Just because I smile, doesn’t mean I’m fine
I’m covered with insecurities and every single day is a fight to stay alive
This knife, this invisible knife, it cuts deep and everyday I struggle to breathe.
Do you hear the silent screams?
See the scars that are invisible?
It’s so hard to explain
But is anyone listening?
Is there someone who can help?
I wish they could see my tears,
I wish they could come face to face with my fears.
I wish they knew how it truly hurts,
So mean words they wouldn’t blurt.
I wish they’d know I’m dying inside,
And see past the smile shown outside.
I wish they’d know how much I hate myself….
….so they will stop
I wish they’d just stop!
I loved him then and may love him still
But there is so much more to think and do in this world than be stuck with feelings for him
Still, I entertain thoughts of him
Still, I find myself daydreaming
Still, I recall the hurt
And so, I realised I still have so much to learn
I bleed too
All because of the insecurities I have.
I am self conscious too
I sometimes hate myself too much
I try to be more of myself and less of what others dictate
But I succumb too
I wonder if I make it out too
I took out his heart, cut it to pieces
Took out the knife, placed it where it deeply pierces
“Does it hurt?”, I asked
He looked aghast
Surprised with what I did.
He was in pain
But I felt no shame
We are almost even now.
And though this could never heal my heart
It’s best he knows how it felt when he took mine apart
And I questioned myself.
I wondered what’s wrong with me
I wondered what others may have that I don’t
Had self doubt
I wanted to get away from everyone
I felt ridiculed
I was hurt
They question me…