Sometimes I feel pretty
Sometimes I feel ugh
Rarely do I feel sexy
Often I just need a hug.
At times I ooze confidence
Mostly I just shy away
I kind of like my bit of independence
But not all days are good like today.
I look in the mirror and often say, “meh”
But everyday I’m learning to love my ordinary face until I say, “oh yeah”.
Harsh words keep me from being myself
Although I still try to love myself more
Harsh people kill me slowly inside
They devour what little self-esteem I have left in me
There are days that I feel I can do it all
That nothing can stop me.
However, these days are minimal.
Oh how I wish they came more than usual.
Cover my face
I have nothing to show
And everything to hide.
My insecurities eat me up
I see all my negativities, magnified.
I try to be more body positive
But the hurt and teasing from the past
Have scarred me to the core
And so I hide
Shameful of how I look
She couldn’t fit the standard of society
So she stopped trying to be it’s impossible beauty
She walked lighter and judged herself less
She didn’t care if others thought she was a mess
She no longer waited to be called beautiful
She was unperfect and for her, this was more acceptable
I want to cry, I want to hide
I want to be where I’m alone
Where no one can hurt me
The media, the TV, they tell and show you things of what beauty should be
And I am a fool enough to believe them
I am blinded
I do not see myself.
I try to fit in but I just can’t
Or maybe I never wanted to
But it hurts when you try to stand up for yourself
While their boots of shaming are keeping you to the ground.
So I wish for days of alone time
With no one to tell me I’m not worth it
I try and heal the scars before they start creating new one’s again.
My knees feel the tension
I almost buckled
My heart leapt from my throat
I half cried and half chuckled
I told myself I had to start somewhere
And now is as any good of a time
So I closed my eyes and there I was
I took the chance
To discover myself
To find myself
To learn to be by myself
To accept myself and love me as me
I am happier, healthier, prettier
The best of me
I looked at myself in the mirror
I’m fine the way I am
No need to be a size two
Don’t want to conform with what society demands
I’m fine the way I am
That’s what I see
When I looked at myself in the mirror
I want to be like the one’s on TV
Like the one on the magazine
I want to be beautiful
Be called as one
Be treated as one
I want to be skinny
Fit small tight jeans
And be looked at differently
I want to be
Someone slim and slender
Someone healthy and radiant
Someone…other than me