Growing Self Confidence

My self-esteem is never that high

It’s always shaky I just want to sigh

I don’t know how to accept compliments

I smile and feel weird with these comments

I often shy away from the spotlight

Working behind the scenes, away from the limelight

But ever so often something happens

A surge of confidence with some alterations

I feel pretty in my skin

Beauty from deep within

Comes out with a roar

And my self esteem soars

Slowly these moments are happening more often

And I embrace it more now than ever

© Maria Michaela

It’s All In My Head

This is in response to Sadje’s What do you see # 136. If you’d like to join, kindly click on the hyperlink.

Image credit; Muhammed Hassan @ Unsplash

For the visually challenged reader, this image shows a woman whose face has black streaks of mascara on her cheeks. She wears a sad expression and has her hands placed on her head.

It's all in my head...
The questions
The hesitations
The self doubts

A part of me gives encouragement
Tells me to boost my self confidence
And to clear thoughts of this negativity

If only I can clear this junk
as easily as I can do it on my phone
But they are recurring
And sometimes stronger than before

I'm trying
I'm working on it
But the pull is so strong
I'm afraid I'll break

The self doubts
The hesitations
The questions
It's all in my head...

© Maria Michaela

#Whatdoyousee
#WDYS

Working On It

Sometimes my confidence is sky high

At times it’s non existent

I won’t give up, I’ll always try

I’m working on being consistent

© Maria Michaela

Unsure of Myself

Sometimes I feel pretty

Sometimes I feel ugh

Rarely do I feel sexy

Often I just need a hug.

At times I ooze confidence

Mostly I just shy away

I kind of like my bit of independence

But not all days are good like today.

I look in the mirror and often say, “meh”

But everyday I’m learning to love my ordinary face until I say, “oh yeah”.

©Maria Michaela

Harsh

Harsh words keep me from being myself

Although I still try to love myself more

Each day…

Harsh people kill me slowly inside

They devour what little self-esteem I have left in me

Invincible

There are days that I feel I can do it all

That nothing can stop me.

However, these days are minimal.

Oh how I wish they came more than usual.

Hide

Cover my face

My body

My pride

I have nothing to show

And everything to hide.

My insecurities eat me up

I see all my negativities, magnified.

I try to be more body positive

But the hurt and teasing from the past

Have scarred me to the core

And so I hide

Shameful of how I look

Unperfect

She couldn’t fit the standard of society

So she stopped trying to be it’s impossible beauty

She walked lighter and judged herself less

She didn’t care if others thought she was a mess

She no longer waited to be called beautiful

She was unperfect and for her, this was more acceptable

Dictated Beauty

I want to cry, I want to hide

I want to be where I’m alone

Where no one can hurt me

The media, the TV, they tell and show you things of what beauty should be

And I am a fool enough to believe them

I am blinded

I do not see myself.
I try to fit in but I just can’t

Or maybe I never wanted to

But it hurts when you try to stand up for yourself

While their boots of shaming are keeping you to the ground.
So I wish for days of alone time

With no one to tell me I’m not worth it

I try and heal the scars before they start creating new one’s again.

I Think I’m Ready

My knees feel the tension

I almost buckled 

My heart leapt from my throat 

I half cried and half chuckled

I told myself I had to start somewhere

And now is as any good of a time

So I closed my eyes and there I was

I took the chance