To be fat is to be shameful
To be fat means to feel awful
This is what I learned as a child.
My family loved me, and I know they tried
Tried to protect me, but they do not know how much I cried
Because whenever I have an ounce of confidence
Society retaliates with a pound of uncertainty.
My curves became my curse and I hated myself
I felt like an unwanted book tucked away on the shelf
I hated my curves.
There are nights I’d pick myself up
Saying that I am enough and I am loved
But most nights…..most nights are awful
I lie to myself sometimes
That if I love my curves enough
Society will accept them and I will no longer need to hide
It’s not funny
I’m self conscious…all the time
I look at the mirror
Try to cheer myself up
Gain the confidence
But it gets depleted with each people who look at me funny.
The skinny can easily find clothes that fit
The heavy….well, we often struggle
My self esteem has left years ago
So I curl up on my bed
And hide in my room
And so I came to realize that people with smaller size, smaller frame
Gets the praise, popularity and fame
They always seem to win the game
Of one size fits all.
I never try an outfit where they can see, for fear of being shamed
And perhaps, fear of being maimed
They may not laugh at me but I’ll feel awful just the same
Such an awful feeling.
My confidence, I can never tame
I am just another fat suffering dame
I feel so lame
For wanting to be one of those with smaller frames
Dream that dream of being a superstar
Making it big in the city of angels
Hoping to get the perfect part
To set yourself apart
Go and dream your dream
Will I ever lose the pounds I gained?
I’m drifting to isolation again
Confidence gained is now confidence lost
And I have but myself to blame the most
Spare me the sweet talk and tell me straight
That I’ve once again gained weight
Be still and stay silent
Eat everthing with your eyes
Let none pass your mouth for fear of being called BIG
Mind everything that everyone says
So you will end up being eaten up by society’s idealism of a perfect body
I’m too fat again
I’m too skinny tomorrow
I will never be enough
I will never be just fine
I’m either too much or too little
Not enough or an excess
I’m starting to fall again
Fall out of love of myself
How much more do you want from me?
I have nothing left!
To be skin and bones
And skin and bones!
To you I am just the sheel that you see
I have nothing more
Shed those extra weight
Remove all self hate
Driving oneself to the distance
It takes a lot of hard work, give yourself a chance
Don’t give up now, you’ve come a long way
Show them what you’re made of now insead of waiting for someday
Sweat it out and enjoy yourself
I go on and tell this to myself
No one will do it for me
And so I go at it, in the end we shall see
Slimming and slender and beautiful
That’s what they often say
Fatter, chubby and heavy
Do I vhange to please them?
Or do I change for my own sake?
The line is thin
Where do I go? What do I do?
I keep on gaining but not shedding
Do I let this define me?