Curves

To be fat is to be shameful

To be fat means to feel awful

This is what I learned as a child.

.

My family loved me, and I know they tried

Tried to protect me, but they do not know how much I cried

Because whenever I have an ounce of confidence

Society retaliates with a pound of uncertainty.

.

My curves became my curse and I hated myself

I felt like an unwanted book tucked away on the shelf

I hated my curves.

.

There are nights I’d pick myself up

Saying that I am enough and I am loved

But most nights…..most nights are awful

.

I lie to myself sometimes

That if I love my curves enough

Society will accept them and I will no longer need to hide

See Myself Thin

It’s not funny

I’m self conscious…all the time

I look at the mirror

Try to cheer myself up

Gain the confidence

But it gets depleted with each people who look at me funny.

The skinny can easily find clothes that fit

The heavy….well, we often struggle

My self esteem has left years ago

So I curl up on my bed

And hide in my room

Smaller Frame

And so I came to realize that people with smaller size, smaller frame

Gets the praise, popularity and fame

They always seem to win the game

Of one size fits all.

I never try an outfit where they can see, for fear of being shamed

And perhaps, fear of being maimed

They may not laugh at me but I’ll feel awful just the same

Such an awful feeling.

My confidence, I can never tame

I am just another fat suffering dame

I feel so lame

For wanting to be one of those with smaller frames

Make It Big

Dream that dream of being a superstar

Making it big in the city of angels

Hoping to get the perfect part

To set yourself apart

Go and dream your dream

Gained

Will I ever lose the pounds I gained?

I’m drifting to isolation again

Confidence gained is now confidence lost

And I have but myself to blame the most

Spare me the sweet talk and tell me straight

That I’ve once again gained weight

Eat Up

Be skinny

Be still and stay silent

Eat everthing with your eyes

Let none pass your mouth for fear of being called BIG

Mind everything that everyone says

So you will end up being eaten up by society’s idealism of a perfect body

I Don’t Love Me Anymore

I’m too fat again

I’m too skinny tomorrow

I will never be enough

I will never be just fine

I’m either too much or too little 

Not enough or an excess

I’m starting to fall again

Fall out of love of myself

Thin To The Core

How much more do you want from me?

I have nothing left!

To be skin and bones

And skin and bones!

To you I am just the sheel that you see
I have nothing more

I Will Lose

Shed those extra weight 

Remove all self hate

Driving oneself to the distance

It takes a lot of hard work, give yourself a chance

Don’t give up now, you’ve come a long way

Show them what you’re made of now insead of waiting for someday

Sweat it out and enjoy yourself

I go on and tell this to myself

No one will do it for me

And so I go at it, in the end we shall see

Gain, Gained, Gaining

Slimming and slender and beautiful 

That’s what they often say

Fatter, chubby and heavy

Do I vhange to please them?

Or do I change for my own sake?

The line is thin

Where do I go? What do I do?

I keep on gaining but not shedding

Do I let this define me?