Posted in original, sadness

The Half Day

Something happened today and it wasn’t a good one. I was planning to post something else but came up with this just after the incident. I’ll be okay. I just need to write.

I could feel getting weak and then I noticed I was actually trembling

My feet would be giving in soon

So I rushed to the spare room upstairs where I was working from home

And there I burst into tears

I shook so hard as if an earthquake hit me

It took me a while to realise that I was hyperventilating

My senses and emotions fought as I was trying to be strong and to stop myself from shaking

My brain could not comprehend the battle I was doing

I had to be strong

So I told myself to breathe

Just breathe

Take in the air slowly

Keep calm

Keep calm

Though I was shaking still, and in a daze and unsure how my phone should work

I called a friend and told him I couldn’t work further

I guess my body was in shock

My mind was a blank

And so I took the rest of the day off work because I couldn’t pretend I was fine

But I’m good at pretending around you. So you’ll never see the trauma that caused my sanity.

©Maria Michaela

Posted in original, sadness

Spinning

I’m spinning out of control and I don’t know how to stop

I’m unsure how this came to be

I don’t understand why I’m feeling this now

I can’t seem to keep my feet on the ground

What do I do?

How can I stop when I don’t even know why?

©Maria Michaela

Posted in original, sadness

Suffocate

breathe, breathe, breathe

i keep this on repeat in my head

deep breaths, deep breaths

but i feel my breaths coming up short

as if they don’t reach my lungs

i feel there’s not enough air

i lack the oxygen I need to breathe

where is the air?

my nostrils aren’t clogged and i even

try to suck the air from my mouth

but there is still not much air

i keep gasping

where is the air?

where is the air?

breathe….breathe….breathe

©Maria Michaela

Posted in original, sadness

On Deaf Ears

An echo into the void

I am just an echo.

No one sees, no one hears the haunting fears.

I scream!

But it’s all in my head

I am broken

The pieces are too small to put back together.

I’ve held on for as long as I could

But the void, it keeps growing

And this!

Whatever THIS is, it’s harrowing.

I call for help but it seems

It has fallen on deaf ears

And I am left to fend for myself as the void slowly consumes me.

©Maria Michaela