No one believes me when I say
I might have fallen in love before
It was addictingly sweet and bitter
It left me clueless and sore.
But then again it might have just been a fling
Fleeting and brief
But I always have a hard time moving on
Even when I was in grief.
Still, a lesson he was
And he was something I didn’t want ever again.
You caught me by surprise and I didn’t know any better
There was peace in your eyes
And I knew
You were happier
They’re all marching
Arm in arm
Pearly whites showing
He waits, excitedly shivering
Looking like Prince Charming
Or a knight in armor shining
His eyes, they seem like dancing
In the altar I arrive
He smiles as we wait for his bride
And I wonder
Would I look wonderful in white?
Cold, cold night
As cold as ice
As cold as his heart
As cold as my soul
As cold as the glare in our eyes
How and why did we come to this?
We’ve become frozen
We’ve become our coldest
He was my bad habit
Difficult to break
Hard to get rid of
But not impossible to end
I know the answer
But no one understands
They see me as lonely
Even when I’m truly fine.
They think I need to have a significant other
When all I need is space
I don’t need to answer them
Because I know the answer
And I alone understand why.
I seek the love I hope to be true
Or rather, I sought it before.
I used to think I was empty or just a half
I used to think I needed more.
Someone wanted to give me the world
But I only wanted him to be real and true
Extravagance was not what I wanted or needed
And so his heart I made blue.
I do not regret being alone, going solo
I’ve long accepted my complexities
I know it’s hard to love me
And they can only hold so much capacities.
And it skyrocketed to the moon
It ended as quickly as it started
And whatever might have been,
Prematurely died with it
The stars don’t fall far from the sky
The moon doesn’t eclipse the sun often
I drown on three feet of water
Knowing very well that he is
And will be
The love that I could never have
He was a tall man with a big built
He reminded me of a well built building
I was too young to know, what struggles he went through
In my father’s eyes he was the strict parent,
In mine he was a gentle giant.
I can’t remember if I hugged him enough
Or told him I loved him
But I have fond memories of him, no matter how few.
He didn’t speak much but he gave me boundless unspoken love.
He had big hands
They were hard working hands
They were also the one’s that disciplined my dad
But those same hands guarded me and I remember they were rough but gentle.
Those hands, they guided me more than I ever would have thought.